What fence?

Rules don’t apply to my wife. She does what she wants, when she wants, and only if she wants. She might just be one of the few (unless you’re a politician) people not in prison that doesn’t think rules apply to her. I will give you some examples…

We took a trip through the Oregon Cascades a few weeks ago to paddleboard, kayak, and just get away for a few days. While there, we took some little side trips to hike, see volcanic rock fields, and a couple waterfalls. It was at one particular waterfall that her crime spree began. We got out of my Jeep and walked to the viewing area to see the falls. The viewing area had a fence that clearly stated we were not to cross over. That was my hint that what was about to happen was going to happen. Before I could even open my mouth, my 60-year-old wife was already climbing the rocks about twenty feet past the fence. Then she did her little balancing act as she made it to the top of the falls and began to cross the water on some very slippery looking rocks. She made her way to a little island at the top of the falls and climbed that. Then she just sat and looked around as if it were nothing that she probably broke several federal laws. For me, it’s like nervously watching a toddler escape into a tiger cage at the zoo and all you can do is try to entice them back.

“Hey!” I yelled. “Do you want to go to town and buy some shoes?” Desperate times call for desperate measures.

She also will not buy anything unless she can open it first, smell it, look at it, feel it, then put it back and grab an unopened box or container. Her reasoning is sound…she doesn’t want to have to make a return trip to return the product. The problem is…yeah, you guessed it, it breaks the rules.

A couple years ago we drove by Deception Pass. Those of you who know it, know that it’s breathtakingly beautiful. There’s a bridge about 100 feet above it that you can both drive and walk across. There’s a road AND there’s a walkway. I parked and began my walk on the walkway. Then I heard her voice from behind me. “Take my picture!” she cried. I reluctantly turned around and she was balanced on the handrail, with only a 100-foot drop on one side and me on the other. I took the pictures. I’m used to her.

My wife clearly doesn’t understand she’s a 60-year-old grandma. Granted, she doesn’t look nearly that age, but still, I’m just a couple years younger and I really do try to keep up. When she wants to zip-line, I’m with her. When she wants to kayak, I’m with her. When she wants to paddleboard, I’m with her…in the kayak. When she wants to skate, I’m with her…to take pictures. Ok, I obviously can’t keep up, but I am very supportive. How many guys can say they took their 60-year-old wife zip-lining?

All in all, my wife is simply amazing. She makes it so easy to adore and admire her every day. She definitely keeps me on my toes, but what husband doesn’t need that? What boggles my mind is, with all her physical activity, toughness, and strength, why does she need me to open a jar? I’m beginning to think she really doesn’t…it’s just a way to make me feel useful. I’ll take it just so I can be around her. After all, with a wife like mine, if I don’t keep on my toes, somebody is liable to try to sweep in and win her. Of course, it would be up to her, but it’s my job to not let her think about that.

Possible moral of this story? My wife doesn’t have to follow the rules. That’s it. Accept it. I have.

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