I’m Batman!

My youngest son went to spend a couple nights at my oldest brother’s house. He was about 3 years old at the time, still cute to people who didn’t have to be with him 24/7. You know what they say, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” My brother and his wife were very fond of my youngest son. Come to think of it, so were their dogs, especially the Doberman named Reggie White (yes, we are all Packer fans). They were the same height…the dog and my son, I mean…and it took very little effort for Reggie to lick my son in the face. It took a whole lot more effort for my son to keep his little face dry.

Anyway, he was visiting, and after a long day of playing and being slobbered on, he needed a bath…once again, it’s my son we’re talking about. My sister-in-law put him in the tub and let him wash himself. He seemed to be happy with all his singing. I still think it was the reprieve from being slobbered on that made him happy, but he was happy none-the-less. Then after about fifteen minutes, it became quiet. My sister-in-law became concerned and went to open the bathroom door, but before she could get to it, the door burst open.

“I’m Batman!” my son cried out as he ran out of the bathroom wearing his towel as a cape. What made it funnier was that he was only wearing the towel as a cape…nothing else. He dodged my sister-in-law then did a few laps around the house before bolting for the back door. My brother lived on some acreage then so it wasn’t a problem of him running off through the neighborhood, but still, after the initial laughter, he needed to be caught. Here’s where they received the lesson of “not so cute if you’re with him 24/7.” It took them 15 minutes to finally round him up (he was pretty elusive and quick back then) and they only got him because of, you guessed it, a Reggie White sack in the backyard. Once the dog figured out the little kid needed to be caught, it leveled the playing field.

Dogs have always been the bane of my little son’s existence. He loves them now, but back then, the dogs always seemed to work against him.

At one time we had a little Australian Shepherd we named “Pack.” I know you’re thinking I named him after the Green Bay Packers, an obvious family tradition, but that wasn’t the case…ok, I lied, it was the case. However, I also needed to have a simple name because the poor puppy was deaf in one ear and struggled with the other. The deafness didn’t dampen his intelligence, however. He was incredibly smart. A good example was when he was just a little puppy. One morning, he watched me dig a hole, put all his poop in it, then cover the hole. Then I dug a new hole to save time later. That afternoon I watched in amazement as he pooped into the freshly dug hole. From that point on, that’s how we did it. I never had to clean up after one of my kids dragging poop into the house on their shoes, or feet, or whatever…

Well, at this time, my youngest son was about 2 years old. Pack was about 4 months old. Pack would follow my youngest son around as if he were in charge of him and my youngest son needed to be herded at times. I said, “herded,” like a cow or sheep, not “hurted,” like, um, you know, hurt. Pack was just following his instincts and because the goats we had didn’t like to be herded by a little puppy, he chose the smallest human to practice on. Of course, my youngest son was not at all on board with this plan. He was more of the “escape artist” type and that dog kept ruining his plans.

One afternoon I just sat and watched as my youngest son would try to climb the gate to get out of the yard. Every time he made it up about 3 feet or so, Pack would grab him by the diapered bottom with his teeth and pull him back down. My son would swing at him, push at him, missed a few poorly aimed kicks at him, and Pack would just sit there and take it. Then it would start all over again. My son never did escape as long as we had Pack.

Possible moral of this story? If the Penguin, the Riddler, or Catwoman had a dog, they might’ve defeated Batman. Just a theory, but it’s based on plausible evidence. At least Batman wore tights under his cape.

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