Immovable Objects and the People Who Can’t See Them

I was talking with my youngest son and he told me a funny story about a shelf he built for their entertainment stand. He’s always looking for ways to make his house organize better so he built an add on shelf for their games and movies. Along with his partner, they have two other roommates, so keeping the place clean and organized is important for their sanity.

Anyway, he built the add-on and sat down to play a game. One by one, he watched as each one of his house-mates walked into the shelf. The funny part was after each one walked into it, they sat down with my son to see if the next one would walk into it. Now that’s entertainment! There’s nothing better than to laugh at somebody as they attempt to hurt themselves by walking into things that are clearly in front of them…but they can’t see it. Seems to happen a lot with people and the scary part is that it can happen when they’re driving…not so funny.

COP: So, what happened?

DRIVER: I was just driving and they appeared out of nowhere!

COP: So, let’s get this straight. You were driving and the building just suddenly appeared…like it shot up straight from the ground or something?

DRIVER: Yeah, that’s it! Straight out of the ground! Weird, huh? Wait, is that a breathalyzer?

Ok, sometimes it is funny as long as they’re not really hurt or they didn’t hurt somebody else. In my family, it seems to be a thing…not to drive into stuff but to walk or run into stuff. I’ve broken my nose 3 times running into stuff…like fists or hands or a heel of someone’s shoe while tackling them from behind. Yeah, I just helped that foot right into my nose.

Each of my brothers had a run-in with immovable objects when they were younger. Since they were my older brothers, I found it hilarious each time.

When we were very young (I barely remember it I was so young) we used to sit around in the living room in our underwear on hot days, watching tv. One very hot evening, we were watching Disney (I do remember that part) and were very immersed into the show. My dad, as a joke, looked towards the front door and yelled out, “Hi!” as if somebody were there. My second oldest brother was always uncomfortable with the whole sitting around in his underwear thing and had a fear that someone would see him. I think my dad knew that. As soon as my dad greeted the invisible person at the door, my brother jumped up and ran into the apparently invisible wall next to the hallway door. It was hilarious! He cried, but he wasn’t really hurt…except maybe his pride.

My oldest brother topped that one, however…they always were so competitive…and found his invisible immovable object at a wedding party at a church. God kept him from getting too hurt, but that was about all God did for him.

When we were kids, my mom loved to dress us all alike. It didn’t really bother me being the youngest, but it sure bothered my oldest brother. He hated it. This comes into play after the “immovable object event.” All of us kids were playing tag and running around the church. My brother was “it” and he was chasing about a half dozen of us. We each ran through a glass doorway and had just enough of a distance that when my brother came around the corner, he saw us all on the other side. That’s all he saw. He obviously missed the part about the glass. You guessed it…he ran right through it. We started to laugh until we saw the blood. He cut his nose, his arm, and his leg. Blood everywhere. All of us kids were in awe. Not him. Instead of crying or reacting to the blood, all he could think of was, “Good, now I won’t have to wear these clothes anymore!” I told you he hated dressing alike.

Now for the sad part. While he was at the hospital getting stitched up, my mom and aunt went to Kmart and replaced all his clothes…with THE EXACT SAME CLOTHES! You see, they hadn’t finished taking pictures at the wedding and my mom was so obsessed with dressing us alike, it was a sickness. She couldn’t handle the thought of one of us being out of place. Of course, looking at the pictures after they were developed, one of us was still out of place. There was just no way to disguise the fact that my brother had bandages on his nose (like 5 stitches), on his arm (like a dozen stitches), but his leg bandage and stitches (another dozen or so) were hidden. What couldn’t be hidden was the very large scowl on my brother’s face…he really hated dressing alike, or have I mentioned that already?

Possible moral of this story? There really should be laws in place that make it illegal to put up invisible immovable objects. If we had such a law, that building would’ve never sprung up in front of that driver, my brothers would’ve never ran into that wall and through that glass, and my son’s housemates wouldn’t have been so entertaining.

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