Men are dogs… Ok, before I get specific comments, this is a generalization I’m making…there are always exceptions. But back to my generalization. Men are dogs…we really are. Some of us might be tamer than other dogs and we stay under the porch, but that just makes us a tame dog that stays under the porch. We still have our doggy thoughts and doggy habits. Also, when you think of dogs, there are good dogs and bad dogs…right there I know some of you are thinking, “There are no bad dogs, just bad owners!” I couldn’t agree more, but right now I’m talking about man-dogs. There are good man-dogs and bad man-dogs…better?
Now I have some of you (mostly women) saying, “But Mr. Dazeodrew? Why would you demean dogs by comparing them to men? Do dogs really deserve that?” Ok, once again, calm down and understand that this is a humor blog, it’s supposed to be funny and embellished. OK, maybe my posts aren’t funny, but you can’t argue about the embellished part! I have a WHOLE lot of embellishing going on! I might just be the BIGGEST and GREATEST embellisher in the world…wait…maybe the second biggest and greatest embellisher in the world…I can think of one other…anyway, that’s not what this post is about. Now that we have that straightened out, we can move along.
Men are dogs…
Ok, I was just waiting to see if I had any more arguments about specifics? You had your chance. Now hold on to your opinion until the end of the post, please.
Maybe I should just clarify that I also think women are cats. That will make the rest of reading this post understandable…I hope. Anyway…
Men are dogs. Many of us don’t care where we lift our leg and things have a tendency to get splattered around…cats don’t like this. We always need to mark our territory…cats could care less what we think is our territory. We always need to loudly bark what we think about something…cats are annoyed by this. We are usually so very excited to see you, but have no idea why you’re angry…cats don’t care if we are excited to see them, they’re still angry. We can be wildly inappropriate with what we say and do…cats think we’re stupid. We are often trying to please the cat…once again, the cats think we’re stupid and can easily take advantage of this if they want to. We are always looking at other cats…do I really need to state the cat’s response?
These are just a few things that make men dogs. Sadly, there are plenty more. Of course, there are some things we don’t do…I don’t think. We don’t chew all the shoes in the house. We seldom leave a present on the living room carpet…I said seldom. Um, I’m sure there’s more, but I’m curiously drawing a blank right now…
A typical conversation between a husband and wife proves my point, somewhat.
WIFE: Thank’s for leaving the toilet seat down for me, honey.
HUSBAND: You’re welcome.
WIFE: I was being sarcastic! You left it up again!
HUSBAND (clearly not getting it): Well, I certainly wasn’t going to leave it down and get it wet, was I?
WIFE: Yeah, it’s the only part around the toilet that’s actually dry…
HUSBAND (clearly thinking he just won the point): So, you’re welcome!
WIFE: Wait, you actually managed to get the seat wet too, even though it was up… Couldn’t you aim better? Or at least wipe everything down when you’re finished?
HUSBAND: Fine! I’ll just start going in the back yard! By the tree!
WIFE: Ok…just don’t do that barking thing again. The neighbors are already annoyed with us because of that time you kept chasing the squirrels through their yard!
HUSBAND: Ok, now you’re just nagging!
Now I know some of you are agreeing with me about the dog part. So, how are women like cats? Here’s another conversation that might prove my point.
WIFE: Can you scratch my back?
HUSBAND (eager to please): Sure!
WIFE: Oh, that’s nice. Yes, yes, right there! A little higher and to the left…yes, that’s it! Now in the middle…lower…lower…NOT THAT LOW!
HUSBAND: Ow! You scratched me with those claws of yours! I think, oh my God, I think I’m bleeding!
WIFE (mewling softly): I’m sorry, honey. Can you try again? I still have that itch.
HUSBAND (once again, wagging his tail and eager to please): Oh, ok!
WIFE: Yes, right there! Now a little lower…lower…lower…NOT THAT LOW I TOLD YOU!
HUSBAND: OW! Did you just BITE me?!?!
WIFE: (once again mewling softly): I’m sorry…try again?
As you can see, the dynamics of this conversation clearly depict a dog and a cat. Yes, men, we can be that stupid. Yes, women, you know exactly what you’re doing…