Arrows

It’s time for another stupid things done while drunk post. My friends and I were heavily influenced by anything Monty Python. We would repeat their funniest lines over and over until it got old. One of the things we like to do was play arrows… We were the arrows.

This is how it worked. A bunch of us, or even a few of us, would be together and then somebody would yell, “ARROWS!” out of the blue. Those of us in the know, or least the ones who weren’t passed out, would suddenly find targets. A target could be a person, a tree, a wall, or anything our drunken minds decided on. Then we would put our hands above our heads as if we were a point and go running towards our target with our heads bowed. Then we would hit the target…hard…and usually, collapse to the ground either hurt or laughing or both.

I can’t remember when it started, but it was definitely a thing for us. You would think after a couple people got hurt that we would quit, but we kept it going for a few years until even that got old. I’m pretty sure we finally figured out that we were killing enough brain cells with alcohol and running into things with our heads wasn’t doing us any favors. It also may have occurred to us that we really weren’t impressing any girls with this behavior…

One of the more stupider stunts with arrows that we pulled was done by my friend Spunky and I. About 50 of us rented out some cabins near a ski hill for the weekend. The next morning, everybody except Spunky and I went skiing. It was Spunky’s 18th birthday that day, so we decided to camp out at the liquor store until they opened. I think they opened at 10 in the morning and we bought two bottles of Wild Turkey. By the time everybody came back from skiing at about 3 in the afternoon, we were pretty well lit up. Then we performed what we thought was a brilliant idea at the time.

About 100 feet from the cabins was a pond. Spunky and I spent some drunken time chopping a large hole in the ice just off the dock. When we saw everybody coming from the parking lot, we set our plan into action. We took off all our clothes, ran out of the cabin in full view, screamed “ARROWS!” at the top of our lungs, and made a staggering bee-line for the dock. We jumped into the water in the hole we made and I swear we both suddenly sobered up. The rest of the people, fully sober because they actually had brains, ran and got towels and blankets for us as we slipped our way out of the water.

Even though it was a feat that would be talked about for years, it probably was followed by words like, “They were so stupid” and “They could’ve died” and possibly even, “We should’ve let them die!” Years later, I have to agree it was stupid. But my friend Spunky had another mishap shortly after that polar plunge and yes, he was drunk.

There was an afternoon that we had entirely too much time on our hands. After the polar plunge, I never wanted to drink Wild Turkey again, but Spunky apparently had no problem with it. After another day of drinking, he decided to try to do an arrow from the top of the stairs into the wall at the bottom. I wasn’t drunk so I let him go first. I figured it would be good for a laugh.

He launched from the top of the stairs, stumbled partway down, and crashed head-first into the wall. He was knocked out for a good minute while I tried to make sure he wasn’t damaged somehow. When he came to, he looked at me like he didn’t know where he was.

SPUNKY: Wha-what happened?

ME: You stumbled down the stairs and head-butted the wall.

SPUNKY: Why?

ME: You were an arrow.

SPUNKY: Oh…

ME: You feel ok?

SPUNKY: Yeah, should I try again?

ME: Um, no. I think we’ve had enough of arrows for today.

SPUNKY: Yeah, maybe you’re right. You’re not going to tell anybody, are you?

ME: Um, sure…

So that night, the whole bar knew about Spunky’s famous crash. Funny, now that I think about it, I can’t remember Spunky doing arrows again…

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