The Poop Post

Sooner or later, it all comes down to poop. Poop is the end result of many processes, both literal and figurative. Poop is also often used as an expletive, although various synonyms are also used like crap, feces, and sh*t amongst others. It can have religious meaning like “Holy Poop!” or an expression of unhappiness like “Oh Poop!” Old-time sailors were so fond of poop that they even named a deck after it.

I’ve also heard that parties were incomplete unless you invite a “Party Pooper.” You know, that one person who brings everybody down and ruins a perfectly good party. We even had a song for it. It goes:

Every party needs a pooper,

That’s why we invited you!

Party Pooper! Party Pooper!

Obviously, poop is important enough to be a part of our everyday lives. We have medications that help us poop more and poop less. Other medications soften our poop and certain foods harden our poop. Poop can also come in various textures and colors…but we’ll just leave that observation where it is…this is supposed to be just a poop post, not a sh*tty post.

Poop can be endearing at times, for example, when we talk about babies…or more specifically, when we talk to babies.

ADULT: Did you go poopies? Did you? Did you go poopies?

BABY: Um…wah? Whaaaaaaaaaaa!

ADULT: You did, didn’t you? You went poopies!

Then a little later when the baby becomes a toddler.

TODDLER: MOOOOOMMMM! I went poopies in the pot!

MOM: Oh! What a good boy you are!

Then comes grade school when it all turns around.

OTHER KID: You’re a Poopy head!

See that? You went from a good boy to a Poopy head! No wonder kids are so confused about poop!

I remember camping on the Wolf River when I was a kid. I went with my best friend’s family on a boating trip and we spent the night at a bend in the river. His family slept in the boat while we pitched a tent on the shore. The first thing we noticed was all the huge piles of poop. With our young imaginations, we talked ourselves into believing it was bear poop. We were eager to see a bear.

The next morning, we woke up to the sounds of crunching outside of our tent.

ME: Hey, you hear that?

FRIEND: Yeah…

ME: Do you think it’s a bear?

FRIEND: I dunno…should we look?

ME: Um, yeah.

We slowly unzipped the tent and took a peek. Cows. There were a dozen cows grazing around our tent. They were pooping. Had we been more attentive during our “Types of Poop” class, we would’ve anticipated this. Of course, I’m just kidding about the class…

I could go on and on about poop, but I think this is more than enough to convince you of this universal truth…poop happens.

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