Waterfront Property

For those of you following my blogs, you’ll remember that I talked about the heavy rain and the new lake that formed behind our house. It stopped raining for a bit so it looks like we may have lucked out as far as any home flooding. This morning, however, I looked out my back window and saw a couple squirrels in a tree above the newly formed lake. I can only imagine the conversation…

SQUIRREL WIFE: We’re moving to the country, you said. It’ll be beautiful, you said. Nuts everywhere, you said.

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: How was I supposed to know it was going to flood here?

SQUIRREL WIFE: Oh, I don’t know…maybe because it’s by a river? Maybe because the ground is really low? Maybe because the Andersons told us not to live here because it could FLOOD?!?!

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: The Andersons are always saying crazy things! Remember when they insisted we would get overrun by foxes? That never happened…

SQUIRREL WIFE: Well, this did!

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: Fine…you win…I’m sorry. I’m hungry, do we have any nuts left?

SQUIRREL WIFE: Only the ones we buried.

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: Well, I’ll just go and…nuts! They’re under the water!

SQUIRREL WIFE: I’m so happy I married a genius.

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: Fine! I’ll swim under the water and get them!

SQUIRREL WIFE: No you won’t.

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: Yes I will!

After this, the male squirrel scampers down the tree then hesitates at the waterline. He slowly dips his toe into the water and shivers.

SQUIRREL WIFE: What are you waiting for? Spring?

Angrily, the male squirrel dives into the water. The female watches for a minute before getting worried. A minute later, the male emerges with a single acorn and runs it up the tree.

SQUIRREL WIFE: Oh! I’m so sorry! I was so worried about you!

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: Here you go. I’ll go get some more…

SQUIRREL WIFE: You’re so sweet! You’re just the best husband ever!

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: Aw, it’s ok. Just eat your acorn.

The squirrel female chomps into the acorn and makes a face before spitting it out.

SQUIRREL WIFE: Argh! It’s all pasty from being wet! Couldn’t you at least try to find one not so soggy?

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: Huh? Seriously?

SQUIRREL WIFE: We’re moving to the country, you said. It’ll be beautiful, you said. Nuts everywhere, you said.

SQUIRREL HUSBAND: Good grief…

Yeah, that’s what my imagination tells me is going on. Of course, my cat is next to me, like always, and has a little different viewpoint on these situations.

ME: So, kitty, what do you think they’re saying?

CAT: Meow. (This translates to, at least we won’t starve if we get flooded in.)

ME: I don’t think it’ll come to…

CAT: Meow. (Once again, the translation is, squirrels are good eatin’.)

ME: I don’t think we’ll have to resort to that. Besides, you have enough Meow Mix for the next month or so.

CAT: Meow. (I don’t think you’re feeling me on this, Dazeodrew…)

ME: Fine. Go get us a squirrel.

CAT: Meow? (They live in a lake…you expect me to jump in that?)

So I guess we won’t be eating squirrel tacos any time soon.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply